A common response to my recent invite to join me at Nissi’s for a concert? “I didn’t know you sang!” Yep, that was me up on stage, mic in hand, full band behind me, doing my best Pink and Rachel Platten imitations. Not the easiest songs in the world, but the nervousness wore off after a few seconds…and I even busted some dance moves in the middle of “What About Us?”!
Photo by Emma KNIGHT – emmalknight95@gmail.com
I haven’t had “traditional” voice lessons. Marlene might not be traditional, but her style could not fit me any better. I don’t even have a lot of music playing in the house or car. When I do go out and listen to music, I bring ear plugs to protect my ears. I cherish quiet. So why would anyone expect me to be a singer? But can I sing? Yes I can. I believe we all can. It took a lot of focus, determination, courage and polishing, but I did it, and I feel proud of the effort. It was a journey that was way more than staying on key—it was about learning how to stay within myself and centered. To feel the song move in me and stay open to trusting in the month of intense working with the songs. Singing, and in this case performing with some vocal instruction, was more about finding my new voice and stepping into my power. It was about supporting another piece of my complicated and multi-dimensional self. It was about challenging those voices of old that say I am not good and choosing to invite a new story–one that would help me break out of set ways and have FUN!!! It was powerful to have the boys witness me as someone other than me in my role as mom and entrepreneur.
I did grow up with musical siblings and a mother who would bang on the piano and sing her heart out. I sang in school plays. I loved the records I would get at Christmas time. But other than that? Nothing serious and yet somehow that love and free singing all went disappearing sometime in my high school years.
I carried hard beliefs that I was not a singer and I was never good enough. The brunt of some remarks that I took personally, I tended to agree that perhaps I had other talents and that singing was something I should not touch. I quieted my voice for a long time.
But lately, I have been questioning the thoughts that keep me small. After all, I am becoming increasingly aware of the preciousness of this life AND the feeling of “if not now, when?” Why not find the edge where I can learn about myself through creative endeavors that I once enjoyed–like dance, singing and painting? I have decided that the vulnerability and willingness to try something new aligns with my core values of truth, transparency and beauty. I learned so much from this month of hard work about myself and the thrill of accomplishment was not fleeting. I must admit that recovery from putting myself so far out there is taking some time, but regrets? NO way. Next time though, I will be a little kinder on myself and take more time so I can savor the journey.
As I have been working towards dropping “old stories” and finding my new voice – these classes have been surprisingly transformative! Marlene has been a tremendous guide in overcoming my own self-limiting beliefs, and truly supporting me in redefining my joy and power through singing!
Marlene Carvalho
VOCAL JOURNEYS
vocaljourneys@gmail.com