Can I just wake up every day with joy, clarity, confidence and be a healing force for others and the Earth? The answer is yes. Why not? The only thing in the way of that vision is… yep: me and my thoughts.

Whenever I go to yoga class, it is amazing to me how just an hour on the mat working with breath and different postures or Asanas can shift my attitude and being in such a huge way. I can not hold onto negative thoughts even if I wanted to because the work is intended to reach the deep unconscious layers of my being. And it does! A few spinal twists, cat-cows, ego eradicators, breaths of fire, chants, and a few strange poses, and I am open. My experience when I go to my morning Kundalini class with Sukraj is that I am changing behaviors and patterns that keep me stuck or avoiding taking responsibility for my life. It tickles free the rut I don’t even know I am in until I experience an emotional and physical release or lay in total stillness in surrender pose. I am gently reminded that the privilege and honor of doing this work for me benefits my family, friends and those who can’t for a host of reasons. I get to see how I sabotage myself when I have decided I am too busy or tired to make it to class. There in lies the power of a regular yoga or meditation practice for me. It holds me. It guides me. It supports me. It places me back in my body and in community. It resets me. I am grateful for stumbling upon this support over two years ago. I keep coming back because it works!

I was not so much interested in the yoga scene over the years. I have tried a bunch of different classes and instructors. I didn’t want to buy into the clothes, the crowded classes, the followers, the cost, but I can acknowledge that the place I am in now requires a mindfulness practice to stay steady and grounded. I’m back looking at yoga with new eyes. It is easy for me to get distracted and being sensitive requires knowing when and how I manage those responses to things in the world that I really can’t control. Calling on faith and trust in my unfolding has not easy at times but I can see it developing. I’m learning to let go and relax around all that I want to naturally control. I get to figure out what is my business and what is not my business. Some days are better than others. When it gets to be too much and it takes me away from that vision I have for myself, I return to the mat. Yoga is one way of healing for me.

Am I doing enough? Is this what I am meant to be doing? How can I tell? Can I see my progress? The ironic part is that part of my journey is learning to shift from doing to being. Fear is my motivator. I don’t get to rest. It gets my attention faster than anything I can name. Then, self confidence and self doubt enter into the conversation. Tears, frustration, joy, anger… I dance with all those feelings in any given class. Certainly, I am moving something in the process. I hope so. Maybe not. I find my space in the back corner to reflect. Maybe I feel ready to move to a new spot in the room for a different perspective and a chance to be out of a comfort zone. People notice and celebrate the changes.

Back to the mat—my work is not yet done. It might never be, but I believe that the mantras I practice in yoga class are guiding me ever closer to polishing my thoughts and keeping my mind and body flexible and healthy. Building a little extra layer of protection while keeping my heart open and soft is essential. The days I least want to go are the days I know I need it the most. I used to wonder how people could go to yoga–it took so much time out of a day. Now, I recognize for me that that time in class opens up my day in a way I can’t articulate. I feel invigorated and refreshed, softened and clear. Something has shifted in that breath work. So, whether I want to or not, I go and show up to set the tone for my day/week and to listen to the messages in the teachings for inspiration and strength. It is uncanny how right on the theme for the day is with how I am doing and feeling that day. Sukraj brings that wisdom through in an authentic manner that nourishes and feeds me with the attention and care of a lovely dedicated and committed guide. I am so grateful.