In therapy, I occasionally talk about running away from life—the weight and overwhelm of my educational decisions, family responsibilities, career choices, and financial debt. I value my journey—all that I have, that I love, endured, and what I am learning. I get to learn how to reframe and re-envision myself on a path of joy and inner satisfaction. I get to feel what I feel and how I feel. I give myself permission to continually reinvent myself—to discover my edges, my passions and more recently and understandably uncomfortable, to dive into an exploration around my conscious dying process. In other words, I am living into a heightened sense of the preciousness of life and to desire to feel alive and to live without regrets!

Part of that includes slowing down and noticing. Noticing how I care for myself and others, hold onto ideals, and how I let my mind create a level of suffering I am tired of enduring.

I am listening to a deep voice that tells me (and reminds me) that I need to tend to my own nourishment and self care as if nothing else matters. It is also not for ever or extravagant—it is for two weeks and on a budget that I will push off and head West on February 6! This road trip getaway, along with my painting retreat in August, are on the calendar and will cement it as a priority. Unless……I or some big event sabotages that dream.

Have I mentioned how super excited I am to be getting into my car and driving West? Past hot springs (but stopping in, of course!) and through Grand Junction and points West—where the rock colors change and the skies open up. The straight stretches of road brings a sense of expanded awe! And then I drive past Vegas and into Santa Barbara. All the long way to California—17 hours or so. To the ocean, to my son, to beach walks and beach sunsets! To girlfriends and who knows? On my time and on my schedule.

The nourishment I get from getting in the car with a good book on tape, some hearty snacks, a sleeping bag and big jug of water, and a simple bag of clothes. I am not going away from my life but rather towards the nourishment of finding myself again—post holiday and post performance. A time to integrate and dream into this powerful new year.

I am grateful for this space. It is a time to fill my cup to soak in the warm healing hot springs, to take in California beach sunsets, to visit with my son and to meet his roommates and be less distracted.

I am excited. Keeping empty space is hard to do. Like a sink hole, if it is not carved out and dedicated and promised, it can flitter away. I can not afford that anymore. I couldn’t before, but I found it difficult to put my needs above my family. They are fine— thankfully, I have boys that are young adults now and a husband that is supportive. After all, “if Momma ain’t happy, ain’t nobody happy!” I trust that and it is my mental internal voice that can get loud and make me question.

So, I will venture out to restore my own internal rhythm and connect with the deep silence I crave. The sense of adventure and going with the flow is quite appealing. I have many projects I would like to work on this year—personal goals and personal growth— and to step outside of the everyday worries and responsibilities for just a moment is like stepping outside and just looking up at the stars in awe. I long for this treasured opportunity to feel that freedom and get some perspective.

I don’t believe you need to actually spend a lot of money to travel. Grateful for the couches along the way. I want to travel lightly and brightly. My intention is to feel and connect with Earth energy. Simply and respectfully.

This is actually a gift to myself. A time to paint, write down thoughts, be open and feel myself anew. What do I need in this moment?