I will be unpacking this 5800 mile and two month solo trip to California for quite some time, I imagine, as it offered sooo many points of growth and reflection.
November 13, I drove out of the driveway with the intention to honor my mother. She died at 59. I am 59. She died the day before Thanksgiving—just a few short months after my son turned one. For close to thirty years, I have had a hard time separating grief from gratitude at the dining room table while holding down the cooking and hosting. I would always be a mess. It was time to grieve fully and celebrate her in a proper way—in a way that would feel complete for me. In doing so, I would be reclaiming parts of myself and healing. And then a week before re-entry in Boulder, I would be thinking of my Dad as the 2nd anniversary of his passing came into being. Again, with a busy full life, the opportunity to fully present to my loss would take a back seat and here I had the space and time to think about him. Truly incredible and so important.
Bookends of my trip if you will.
In between big shifts and changes in my life were calling for attention. So much letting go if I could find nature to help me to breathe into unknowingness because my work and my family life as I knew them were unraveling. I relished the opportunity to reassess and discover where joy lives in me and how to access my heart.
I never imagined that I was leaving or escaping, but rather following a deeper call to fill my deeply exhausted depleted self with ocean tides, redwoods, time in nature and on the Earth. Quiet solitude.
Car (and train) travel is very appealing to me—I love that the world slows down and I can take in the amazing vistas. I really feel it when I pass Glenwood and the red hues begin to show up. I stop. Pull off the side of the road to take in the landscape. I can safely add 2 hours to a GPS 4 hour drive.
I felt fortunate to find a house sitting gig and so I am not on my sons couch—bingo—that was all I needed to feel secure in embarking on this trip. Car packed with camping and clothes for any situation, water and a full tank of gas and fresh oil change — and I am off!
Highlights include:
donning a wetsuit and grabbing a foam board to be happily tossed about in the surf. With limited upper body strength, I would not manage to get up, but the sheer joy of trying left me with a salty smile.
sleeping in national parks— by streams where salmon and otter play; ocean waves lull me to sleep; redwoods offer their tall strength; and barefoot walks along sandy trails, soaking in natural mineral hotsprings
I got to spend special time with my sons in a warm and sunny climate, I met amazing people along the path.
My life has been changed and I am grateful for the love and support I experienced along the way.
Were there hard times?
Yes. But, I feel so much gratitude for the adventure and the empowerment that comes from saying Yes to the ride.
When the world feels like its contracting, a trip like this can make a huge difference. Being able to drop into these spaces and mindsets is something I am grateful I was able to do for myself and carry for others during this journey of self-discovery. Road trips are not easy to do, but I cannot say enough about the benefits of discovering the quiet within and the healing that comes from saying yes to new experiences.