The Vocal Journeys show is over and I was very pleased with the show with all of us coming together after months of hard work, shining up on stage. I set challenges for my personal growth that I achieved by hard work and commitment to the class. All that practice I put into our classes allowed me the strength to own and “inhabit” the two songs I chose for the show, and to trust that the knowing was so deep in my bones that I could finally “let go” of what it needed to look like and just dance. I am still buzzing and beaming from the night; it was such a wonderful stretch for me in known and unknown ways that I feel alive and juicy!

It took a lot out of me to touch those places I guard within myself. To dedicate so much time to learning the words and integrating the feedback and staying present to the reason I signed up for the class in the first place—to sustain myself in the “work” of it all and the “joy” I receive when attending the weekly sessions. I desire to be my best self the day and night of the show. My efforts to give 100% of myself to this study really does take over and my family notices the strain I put on myself so I get the most I can out of this experience—they are supportive for sure and delight in the final “reveal” of what I have been immersed in for a three month period (1x/week for 2 hours). I wonder how to make this creative endeavor more sustainable and an ongoing part of my life moving forward.

Almost as important as the show is the opportunity to reflect; coming together as artists and share our experiences; sharing a deep understanding of the time and love that each of us has devoted to our personal growth and intentions. I recognize that family and friends can appreciate what I have outwardly achieved, but listening to the group feedback for that inner work is what completes the cycle for me. How else would someone hold that I had been up for the 2 previous nights with family matters and was so very wary of the flu all around me as my throat teetered on being sore and raspy—it added an extra element of miracle that I was up on that stage and that my other classmates are there too! Balancing life and personal and this one night of being seen in that moment is intense, no doubt about it.

What did actually happen—the transmission? Part of me really doesn’t know. Part nerves and part getting out of my head to allows the music, the audience, the musicians to enter, and let the class hold me. Not much I can do but practice being present and open in case I mess up or the band messes up or the sound guy messes up or????? That’s the nature of “show biz”, I know, but I still want to minimize the surprises as much as possible. Hearing moments before the show’s start that my sax support was waiting for a locksmith and should be there but?? So, the debrief is essential—to pause, integrate, celebrate, receive and then to set new goals and dreams.

This time around, I set my intention for setting out of my comfort zone by exploring what it would feel like to open the show. The grounding energy called up to open the show is still hard for me to name, but I definitely was aware of how important it was to the other singers to have the room primed for a great fun evening and what my role would be in holding that space for everyone. In the other shows, I have requested that third spot where the performers and the musicians have warmed up the audience and there is this welcoming pocket already carved out for me; up toward the beginning so that I can manage the nerves and not feel too tired by a 9 or 9:30 time slot.

Bob Seger’s “Turn the Page” was a great and deliberate choice to start with as it is a song that many people know and can drop into. That comfort helped set the tone. The addition of a sax player at the end was a bonus because that addition seemed to anchor me more into the mood and the feel. I also spoke some of the lyrics which was an attempt to break the up and down steady rhythm of the song and to add my own telling of a story element. It felt a bit risky but I was open to playing with how to get that energetic bigness.

“New Light” was a song that I wasn’t sure about—it is short and I didn’t know how to work around the lyrics. My classmates, though, thought the song’s vibe was a good fit, allowing me to play with more movement. I secretly hoped that John Mayer would come and that I could sing with him on stage—wouldn’t that be surreal, but, hey, a woman can dream, right?

The other big stretch for me was what to wear that would enhance my intent to be bold, vulnerable and sparkle—showing more of myself literally. Pushing through this idea that Blair is … fill in the blank. I wanted to open that possibility that I could be and am still discovering parts of myself that are asking for more light and honoring. Although I am not comfortable or accustomed to wearing a tight bodice piece with straps—I was glad I did. This choice allowed me to move (yes I was a bit concerned the straps would come completely off my shoulders and a good reason to practice in what you will wear to make sure it will work!).

All these pieces of managing thoughts, expectations and delivery take up a good amount of headspace. I am in the process of understanding the joy I do get when I let go and have that “transmission” balanced with my narrative around whether I am getting value working a song. How I can make it feel like a burden or an opportunity? How I can choose and take responsibility for the intimacy I am looking for? The class has been an amazing vessel for that reflection and self knowledge, and I wouldn’t be able to feel simultaneously joyful, emotional and proud if that container wasn’t as safe as it is.

So what is the next threshold for me? Stay tuned 🙂 But I do know that this opportunity is deeply healing for me and for others. Music is a healer in so many ways. We come together to witness one another and be seen; to hear stories of how the songs have touched people and or to learn new ones. It is very positive and valuable way to spend my time and resources to make this happen again in the near future.