Who doesn’t want happiness? Happy is just one of the many emotions I got to experience on what would turn out to be a 5800 mile road trip to California and back to Boulder. This time alone on the road taught me many things. It wasn’t all happy—that would be unrealistic— but there were many highlights where I felt growth, empowerment and aliveness. Deep joy. Hearty laughs. Peace.

Now, I am back integrating all the many moments of connection. It was a great gift that I gave myself. I know I will be returning to explore more some day in the near future—there is just too much beauty not to be dancing with it regularly.

I left with:
A current AAA membership (especially since my car was making noises before leaving the driveway)
Road maps and apps for BLM and boondocking camping sites (because directions and planning are not my forte)
Water, food, camp stove, propane and burner, and a good sleeping bag, back pack and first aid kit (a few days of emergency preparedness)
A 5 gallon poop bucket (that would give me access to RV parks)

A few things that made me happy:
Being able to be content living in the back of my Subaru
Seeing friends along the way—their grace and generosity
Lemon and avocado trees laden with fruit
Ping pong with housemates
Taking in sunrises and sunsets and being warm
Swimming in the ocean and soaking in hot springs
Camping under big skies free of light pollution
State and National Parks (didn’t meet one that I didn’t love)

Some of my challenges:
Seeing migrants walking along the road side
Going through immigration check points
Passing trucks filled with pigs and cattle on way to slaughter houses
Having my car throw out dashboard warnings hours from service stores
Not exactly knowing where I would be spending nights and how to plan out my trip
Keeping balanced with finances, food, exercise, warmth, and sleep
Staying in touch with family and friends
Seeing the effects on others of drug addiction
Rising gas prices and many miles in a car
Dead dogs lining reservation roads

Some things I would bring on my next excursion:
Duct tape —to pull out those tiny cactus hairs
Tarp—for protection from those blazingly hot desert days
Beach chair
Sticks—to prop up my hood against pack rats who want to nest near the engine and eat the soy cables
An extra credit card— to have in the event that a gas pump decides to eat one (which actually happened)
Extra propane cause it is a bummer when you are mid pasta making and there is no more gas to make a meal
A portable back massager

Overall, I loved the simplicity—less internet time and less stuff to manage. I didn’t aways feel safe, but I got to watch my thinking and manage my runaway thoughts. If I wasn’t sleeping, I was very still and quiet so it felt somewhat restful. I mostly found it to be liberating and wonderful.

The transition back is what I am navigating now. The what happens now? But, I am more resourced to pursue interesting opportunities. Although it is not a long term ideal situation for me to be in transition on so many levels, I at least know I can be self sufficient or at best, happy with small pleasures and I can ask that what is in front of me at any given time is met with grace. I know and have seen how many people are going through some seriously difficult times.

I count my blessings and share in the hope of better days. And I acknowledge and tend to the hurts and the weariness that I have and that I hear friends, family and community members share.

In love and light,
Blair