June 6th—Nissi’s
Showtime! For this vocal performance of two songs, I spent my class time working on 2 themes: dancing with my joy and with my grief.
The first song, “Little Bird” by Annie Lenox, I remembered from back in the day when I taught a dance/exercise class. I hadn’t heard that song in 20+ years. I came across it as I was looking for a fun and energetic female artist on Youtube. I thought I could have fun with it since I kind of/sort of remembered the moves and it had a bit of history around my love of dancing which I all but gave up while married and raising kids. I definitely wish to bring more dance into my life again.
The second song, was REM’s “Everybody Hurts”. I chose that one because my father was in the dying process and it was comforting to touch into the part of me that felt sad and hurt in a safe and supportive way. The initial reason though was to explore what it would feel like to be up on stage and not effort in life so much—to find more balance and ease in every day—in song and in my work.
The first song I chose to perform could be outwardly powerful but my opportunity was to combine the energy of the song with dance moves on a small stage—to fill up the space without taking up so much space. This second selection was intended to demand the same kind of attention but in a new way for me. To have people lean in to what I would share. As it turned out, my father passed in mid-January shortly after beginning this class so I could drop into this song with the recent understanding of a great and profound loss.
And for the dress? I had been working in jeans, sneakers, and a tee shirt for all our classes. The night before, at Marlene’s suggestion, I put on the dress clothes I thought I would wear along with high heel shoes. The outfit came after a large clothing crisis where everything came out of my closet and in one large pile on the bed to sort through. Dressing up has never been something I love to do so picking something that I could move in as well as look nice would take some adjusting. It was clear that what I picked wouldn’t do—I had blisters and well, I just didn’t feel the flow. I woke up day of the show and put on my jeans and tee shirt and announced to my family that I would prefer to dress this way, and I got a quick response from my son: “Mom, no! Those are your dandelion picking clothes”. I went back into my closet and settled on a simple cotton dress and bare feet that felt like a perfect compromise of dress and comfort.
Why do I sing? I sing because it gives me joy while it stretches me in self understanding. I want to keep pushing myself to find clues to how I show up for myself and other—how my life can inspire and motivate and give purpose to support love and joy in the world. I set my goals for each class and then invite friends and family to come and witness my journey—even sharing those moments that are not polished and glittery.
After this show, I really took note of the deep joy that came from the hard inner personal work for the last 12 weeks and the depth of relationship and trust building that happens in this class. Marlene holds sacred space for me to dive into deeply personal issues. I can say that my performance is not 100% perfect, but it is 100% of myself out there when I step out on stage, take hold of the microphone, and give it all I have. Enjoy!